NIFOC

Don't understand what's going on
Woke up this morning,
All the hurt was gone
This is a new beginning
I'm back in the land of the living

Saturday, October 30, 2004

SAMHAIN

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And my dark side's light and the vampires roam
You strut your witchy wear and your suicide poem
And a cross from an ancient faith
That lived before Jesus came

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away

Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?
You're so beautiful, with an edge and charm
But so careful when I'm in your arms

You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god
You feed off our fears and hold back your tears,
Give us a tantrum and a know it all grin
Just when we need one when the evening's thin

You're a beautiful, a beautiful fucked up woman
You're setting up your razor wire shrine
I would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell and hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go just to reach you
You don't know how much I'd give or how much I can take
Just to reach you...

Thursday, October 28, 2004

MAYBE...

Maybe one day the tide will change...
Maybe one day your ship will come in...
Maybe one day the dog will have his bone...
Maybe one day the fat and ugly kid will get the girl...
Maybe one day love will find its way...
Maybe one day your wildest dreams will come true...
Maybe one day the Gods will smile at you...
Maybe one day you'll get away with murder...
Maybe one day things will go your way...
Maybe one day you will know what paradise tastes like...
Maybe one day she'll want you as you want her...
Maybe one day she'll love you as you love her...
then again...
Maybe not.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

RAISON D'ETRE

My friend and mentor always advised me to justify my existence whatever be the case...
Quality content.... That's the most likely answer to: "What makes a good blog?". Oh, OK.... Right... quality content... I can do that, can't I?

But what is this quality content? What do you expect yourself to write, what do your readers expect, and what do you expect from your readers?

Do these questions really matter?... I mean... why do I keep doing this?... what's my raison d'etre?... how do I justify my existence?... am I just the silent protest of a crushed petunia?... Is there anybody out there?... Does anybody care?... Is the message getting through or is it lost upon a brick wall?... Is it all nonsense?... Can nonsense be good quality?

Say I write a blog on how I met a monkey downtown yesterday and that we had a great time in a nearby bar. He'd be talking about how badly he was treated down at the zoo and that he decided to just walk out and have a go at a life on his own. Eventually, the conversation would end in both of us fighting over politics, sex and religion.


Is this quality? If you're a good storyteller you would undoubtly make a good entry out of that. But I consider myself a poor storyteller with an avid imagination... Why, after a year and a half of blogging I could publish a novel with my fantasy world in it. But is this what readers are looking for?

I don't really know... and I don't know if it's worth caring anymore... I want to start smoking again and start drinking coffee... I want all my lunches from now on to be just coffee and cigarrettes... why?... well, why not?... what difference would that make anyway?

Sunday, October 24, 2004

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND



The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned....


Why is it that everytime that a little money comes my way... there's always something... I gotta buy a new phone, or fix the car, or pay some hospital bill, or buy a birthday gift for someone you don't even care about, or pay this bill or pay that bill...

long story short...

I never get what I want... I can never buy what I want... I can never be with who I want to be... I can never do what I want to do... I can never fuck who I want to fuck... I can never say what I want to say.... I can never sleep when I want to sleep... I can never watch what I want to watch...

you get the idea...

Sometimes I just wish I were dumb... sometimes I just wish I didn't give a shit about anybody... I wish there was a way to erase the past... to forget the past... not to know what I know now... a revolutionary painless non-surgical memory erasing process... because ignorance is bliss... and that's why the spotless mind has an eternal sunshine...

let the sunshine in, baby