NIFOC

Don't understand what's going on
Woke up this morning,
All the hurt was gone
This is a new beginning
I'm back in the land of the living

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

FOUR LEAF CLOVER


A couple of days ago, one of my chatting buddies asked me if I considered myself as superstitious. Of course, my first instict is to say, "NO!, NEVER! Superstitions are for the weak minded", but it made me think and reflect upon what I do every day... I know and I recognize without hesitation that I have always been quirky... I love that word, by the way... but I'm not so sure if any of my quirky quirks could be misconstrued as a superstition...

For example, in my closet, I always keep a couple of sealed packs of brand new underwear and socks... the reason is quite simple, whenever I know I'm going to have an important or meaningful day... one of those days that make a difference... I like to wear a brand new pair of underwear and a brand new pair of socks... I would like to say that the primary reason for this is comfort or reinforcement of self-esteem - but the awful truth is that is just for good luck.

By the same token, after I had a really really bad day, I take the shirt I was wearing on that particular day out of circulation... for a while or definitely depending on the situation. There are shirts that I have only worn once or twice in my life because they happened to be featured on one of those days when nobody should take your picture.

Now, there are a few rituals that I follow quietly but strictly... for example, I never sleep the night before I fly... I never really pray, except on airplane take off... on really stressful days, I need to listen to Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" to feel that everything is going to be alright... on days when I need to perform, go on stage (for example, give a presentation), or take a hard test, I ask my wife or a very close friend for a pat on the butt for good luck... I always NEED to watch at least one Christmas related movie on Dec. 24 (What a Wonderful Life, Scrooged or Miracle on 24th Street, usually do the trick), one Jesus related movie on Good Friday (JC Superstar, Jesus of Montreal or The Last Temptation, are among my faves to fulfill this yearly requirement), a Disney movie on New Year's Day and a musical on my birthday -- If I don't, I feel that something terrible might happen.

But then again... doesn't everyone have these kinds of rituals and quirks?... And does that mean that you are superstitious?... Does luck really exist?... And if it does, can it be prevented or enhanced?.... No matter what, at the end of the day, my rituals and quirks - whether they work or not - keep me happy, comfortable and safe... And that is exactly how I want be live my life... On the dark side

Oops... I think I may have just smashed 13 black cats with a mirror...

Monday, November 17, 2003

THANKSGIVING TIME


I'm well aware that it's still a few days before Thanksgiving, but I'm on holiday spirit already and I want to start counting my blessings early this year...

Let me start by saying that this last year has been the most surrealist year ever in my life... so much has happened... so much water under the bridge... that I feel that somehow I aged at least 10 years in just one year... but, by the same token... it has been the most unforgettable and wonderful year of my life... and for that I thank thee.

I am thankful this year for the smile on my son's face... and for his eyes full of hope and wonder and amazement and curiosity and love and happiness... for his great health... for his great spirit... for his great conviction... for his laughter... for his joy... for the warmth in my heart every night when I get home and the first thing he does is throw his arms around me... and hug me... for that I thank thee.

I am thankful this year for all the pain that I have suffered... I had forgotten what it was like to feel strong emotions... I have been deeply hurt, I have rolled to floor raging with jealousy, I have hated passionately, I have bled and made people bleed... in short, I have felt much more alive this year than in the past 6 or 7 years... and loved every minute of it... and for that I thank thee.

I am thankful this year for all color... I had forgotten what it was like to feel strong emotions... my background wallpaper went from grayscale to 32-bit true color... I have taken risks, I have gotten myself involved in crazy/beautiful situations, I have been reminded of the wild, crazy and passionate guy I had forgotten I was... in short, I have lived much more this year than in the past 6 or 7 years... and loved every minute of it... and for that I thank thee.

I am thankful for being loved... you should feel lucky enough if just one person loves you deeply... but if, as it happened to me this year, you discover that there are more than one... that is nothing short of a miracle... and for that I thank thee.

I am thankful this year for great friendships... for people who care... who show me their support... and help me when I need help even when I'm too proud to ask for help in the first place... people who kick me in the nuts when I'm being a jerk... and who share my moments of glory and the agony of defeat... for that I thank thee.

I am thankful this year for not having economic straits... granted, I am rich and I think I never will be... but the truth is that this year I have had the money I have needed when I needed it... and for that I thank thee.

Finally, I thank thee for unanswered prayers...