Yesterday, I went to the doc for a check-up...
The appointment was at 4:30, but they told me it was at 4:00 and being the desperate worm that I am... I got there at 3:45... So, I had to wait...
The doc's office was huge, empty and boring... no magazines, no TV, no radio, no cel phone signal... no nothing... just complete silence and the buzz from one of the flourescent lights... and for a while I was the only one there... along with the secretary who had her nose buried in a book...
I wish I had brought a book... or a walkman... or anything... but there was I... with nothing to do but think... and thought I did...
After a little bit, a couple walked in... they had the 4:00 appointment... they sat appart, almost as they were not together... she was reading a Discover magazine like it was this month's Playgirl... he was busy doing some sort of calculations...
For a while, I did nothing but stare at them... they didn't notice... but I saw every little detail about them.... her shoes, her socks, her watch, his backpack... at 4:15... they went in... and for the next 30 minutes... I was left alone again with my thoughts.
I thought about many things... mainly everything that's going on in my life right now... where I am and where I am going next kind of thing... I realized that I know exactly what I want... hey... that's no big surprise... I have always been able to point out what I want...
For example, I have been car shopping 3 times in my life so far... and everytime I've looked at hundreds of cars... until a car finds me... yep... when I see what I want... I know for sure... it feels rights... it beckons me.... and I get that deep gut feeling that tells me... "this is the one!"
Furthermore, everytime that I make a sort term list of things that I want... I get them... freaky, but it's true... but I had never dared to make a long term list until yesterday...
Now, I know exactly what I want out of life in the long run... I have a 10 item list... I know if I do everything, I will finally be a happy man... Will I have the guts to accomplish it?... that, my friends, is the real question... I used to be a wuzz... but not anymore... I have decided that I deserve what I want... and I'm going to fight to get it... sure, it won't be easy... and it will probably be painful for me and, unfortunately, for people I care about... but I gotta do what I feel it's right for me... I gotta follow my heart no matter where it leads me... I need it badly and I'm gonna cross out every item on my list one way or another...
Just you wait and see!
