A YEAR OF SHIT...

To quote the Dead on the day of the dead...
What a long, strange trip it has been...

This has been a year of shit... I can not remember a year in my life when I have cried more, suffered more, agonized in pain more than this year... No wonder I feel like I have aged years in just 12 short months... I'm not half the man I used to be... I'm exhausted, beaten, souless, sick and bitter...I can't take it anymore...

I don't know what to say really. I am in hell right now, believe me... I can stay here and get the shit kicked out of me or I can fight my way back into the light. I can climb out of hell. One inch, at a time. I made every wrong choice a man my age could make. I uh....I pissed away all my money believe it or not. I chased off anyone who has ever loved me to the point that none of them want to have anything physical with me anymore. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know as you get old in life things get taken from you. That's, that's part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff... You find out that life is just a game of inches. Because in the game of life the margin for error is so small. I mean one half step too late or too early you don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it... and this year I didn't... shit!

Next year has got to be different...

I NEED next year to be a year of love... a year of hope... a year of fun... I need to change jobs... I need to change my life... I need to get rid of everything and everyone who troubles my soul... even if that means giving up what I love the most... I need a brand new start... I need to reinvent myself... no more suffering... no more pain... no more tears... instead... I want laughter... lots and lots of laughter... tons of sex and/or nudity... wicked fun... fun fun fun... to hell with the consequence...

I need to find myself again... I stopped taking photographs a year ago... I suffered a lot because of that... I need to get that back... I want to live again... sing again... enjoy life again... I want to travel again... the last time I slept on a bed that was not my own was over 2 years ago... too long for a rolling stone who's gotta keep moving... I need to move on... with or without her