BOOGIE


12/05/02 11:19 PM

Boy, how has my life changed in the last 35 hours! You were not supposed to arrive until Xmas, but you decided to come on your own terms. I guess that says a lot about you. Anyway, I can not sleep... I'm too stressed... So I decided to roam the lonely streets of a sleeping city for a while... while you and your mum try to get some sleep upstairs.

We arrived here very early... at 4:30 AM... your grandpa came along for the ride... we settled in the room and watched "The King and I" until it was time to get to the delivery room. As scheduled, at 6:00 AM your mum went in and I was told to go change into scrubs... and that someone would call me shortly... I waited and waited... but no one came. After what seemed hours, but actually were 45 minutes, I was told to get in... the anesthesiologist had overslept... the procedure had just begun... I came in just in time to see Dr. Fuster take you out the womb and hand you in to Dr. Viquez, the funny and warm guy you will see very often from now on... They cleaned you up and the nurse gave you to me... and I held you for the very first time. I took you to your mum but she was drugged out of her skull, so she didn't really see you... Next, we went upstairs... and the most amazing thing happened... for the next 3 hours, you and I were alone as I became a kangaroo dad... I held you in my chest as you sleep... I sang to you, spoke to you, rocked you to sleep everytime it looked like you were waking up... I don't remember ever feeling anything like that... at 10:00 I was allowed to take you to the room, where your grandparents and your aunt had been waiting all morning to meet you... you should have seen the look in their face... your mum came along after another hour to feed you for the first time... my job was done.

02/13/03 10:25 PM

I don't know what to do!... This is driving me crazy and I can't take it anymore!... I arrived home at 5:30 and you were crying... I could hear you from the steet... and you haven't stopped since... Sure, I know it's not your fault... it's that thing they call colic... we called your doctor and he was not much help... we tried music, food, TV... but nothing works... aggh!... I feel impotent... I feel lost... I feel like drowning... this was a mistake... I should have never become a dad... I can't handle it.. I just can't!... Today I wanted to shake you so badly to make you shut up... the other day I read about a teenage couple that did just that because their baby would not stop crying... and they killed the baby... Now, I understand them!

04/15/03 9:20 AM

Wow!... That's all I can say!... I feel I'm just coming out from a very dark period but I had lots of help!... I needed support and words of encouragement... and found them just when I needed them... There is this woman, Daystar, who went through, with her baby daughter Olivia, a lot of the things that we went through with you and her wonderful blog has helped us a lot... also, I found a community of first-time parents... I posted some questions... got some answers but most of all, got a lot of kind words and hugs from members of the community... it's good to know we're not alone. I have also gotten a lot of support from a few friends... one in particular... in her own strange and confusing way, she has helped more than I would ever admit to her... do you think maybe I should stop being so mean to her?
So, the colic has stopped... and you're a happy bouncing baby... and today, you surprised us once more... for a few weeks we had been dreading the moment we take you out of our room and into your own... we've heard that it is not easy... there's a particular episode of "Mad About You" that's stuck on our heads... but you decided that you wanted out... that you didn't need us anymore... we tried to lay you down to sleep in your bassinet in your room as usual and you started crying... and did not stop crying until we placed you in your crib in your own room, you smiled, stretched and went immediately and placidly to sleep... and for the first time ever, slept through the night... and that's the way it has been ever since... I am speechless.

11/26/03 9:35 AM

Next week, you will be a year old. I have seen you grow under my loving eyes... we have been through the best of times and the worst of times... Today, I see you with my heart full of pride struggling to take your first baby steps... and to say your first rote words... I see you fall on your ass for the hundredth time, and for the hundredth time I see you smile... and get up again and try again... you are my inspiration!

You never knew your great grandpa... he was one of a kind... and you inherited his people skills... his joie de vivre... his wide and frank smile... I wish I had that.

You also inherited your grandpa's natural scientific curiosity... you don't care about the lion that sings... you want to see how it works... you want to study it... you see where it has the batteries... what it is that makes him move... you focus and stay concentrated for hours... studying, observing, learning... I wish I could be like that!

And those scary flashes?... like when your mum asked you "where is the cat?"... and you turned around, pointed at the picture of baby Sylvester in your quilt and said "here"... how old were you? 9 months?... or that time when your aunt held you and you looked around the room to find your mum and said "mama".... you were what? 4 months old?... Let me tell you, you have given me a few good scares....and I believe there are more to come!

But today the only thing I want to say to you is that I love you... and I will always will. I cherish every day with you
Your not-so-gentle touch, the way you smile when you look at me... How was I so blessed?... You will make me proud, and I will love you with every fiber of my being. Remember that. Nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you.