BAPTISIM BLUES

I don't go to church. Period. The only times when you will find me sitting on a pew staring at the ceiling are those occasions when I'm requiered to be there -- funerals, marriages, baptisms or when somebody drags my ass under penalty of death or castration...

I think the only time when I don't mind going to church is when I'm in the US... Don't get me wrong... I still don't like it, but don't mind as much.
The things is I kind of like gringo churches... they are all carpeted, air-conditioned, the pews are comfortable... everyone is well showered for once... the priests tell jokes during the sermon and stand at the door to shake your hand as you get out... and at the end there's usually FREE orange juice, cookies and bagels... not a bad way to waste an hour on a sunday morning...

But not here.. and especially not the church where I had to be saturday morning as I became godfather for the second time on my life... let me tell you, come Xmas time... everybody's getting nothing but melcochas from me. Here, the church is too hot... the pews are unbelievably unconfortable... and the priest rambles on and on and on about who cares what... the only moment when I kinda paid attention is when he said that the godparents had an obligation to take the kids from the parents if they thought it was necessary...mmmm... could be useful to know.

What do you think about when you're in church?... the moment I step into a church... for some weird reason I immediately start thinking about sex... yeah, I know... that's sick...but what can I do?... and the longer the mass, the more I think about humping the big-assed woman sitting ahead of me... mmm... but it's a baptism thingy... babies everywhere... must try to think about something else...

Then, I look up and notice a painting of the 12 apostles... they all know very piaos with the exception of Jude... who looks like he had just walked out of hell... horns and all...

Hey, Jude... don't make it bad... take a sad song and make it better...

Jude is the Catholic church's greatest injustice ever... I mean the guy was a founding member of Christiany, wasn't he?... and he was the treasurer of the movement... when Jesus didn't feel like turning water into wine and needed money to go to the local pub - he asked Jude...Furthermore, Jesus hired Jude because He knew Jude was going to betray him... Jude was ambitious and a zealot... an explosive combination... easily tempted by the dark side... and Jesus knew it... Jesus needed Jude... otherwise, Christianity would not be what it is... Jesus used Jude... the master of puppets... and Jude accepted his role in the game with dignity knowing well he would be damned for all time... he died for the cause... a martyr... and for that, he should be canonized...

I hereby propose a full pardon for Jude and that the his sainthood process be immediately open and put on the fast track...

maybe I should go back to thinking about humping that big-assed lady...