GRRR! ARGH!

I'm obsessive... and proud of it. I can listen to the same song over and over and over again... like a broken record... I can also watch the same movie over and over and eat the same food... I travel the same road again and again... I play very few videogames... but those that I have played, I have mastered 'cause I probably spent hours and hours redoing the same thing until I get it right...

It may be that I'm doomed to repeat past mistakes, but I don't think so... Tromping through the forest of life we all build trails, and if we backtrack to relive the more enjoyable ones, we can set forth in the future using these well-trod paths as guides, without the need to set warning markers on the rough paths traversed but once, all illusory allusions to Robert Frost aside.

A few months ago I noticed that a lot of the time my subconscious is counting along without me... Several times a day I'll be walking down the street, around the building, wherever, thinking deep thoughts, then realize that somewhere in my head, I'm counting paces, two footsteps to a count, "twenty- one. twenty- two." the troubling thing is that often by the time I notice it, I'm already up in the hundreds, and I never remember starting... urgh!

I am much more experimentative and explorative that people can imagine... I am more deviant, fetishist and pervert that you would ever know... For example, I masturbate on camara at least once a week... and sometimes I get at least 3 or 4 people watching... which is not a bad average audience... and even though, not all comments I get are encouraging, I do get the occasional praise that makes it all worthwhile.

My back is killing me today... and so are my gums... Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my spirit entombed in a body wracked with pain...